satans-fabulous-blog: morphingly: brightredkettle: are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
bras are so expensive like i didn’t choose the boob life the boob life chose me
just-laff: egberts: if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket you are one of the great thinkers of our time
dorfs: Woops my 10 minute study break turned into a whole year
leeeeverett: today these two kids in my math class were hitting each other with pencils and my teacher glared at them and said “could you try to be a little more mature?” one of them screamed “TAXES” and punched the other kid in the face
sherlockedbyphaninthetardis: davedirk: davedirk: lauraforgood: m33wlin: WE WERE WATCHING THIS MOVIE IN GYM AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS LIKE “I’M TIRED AND HUNGRY AND HORNY” AND ME AT THIS OTHER CUTE GUY IN THE BACK JUST BOTH GO “SAME” AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND I WINKED AND EVERYONE WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BUT I WAS LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS can we have a...
avatargrimes: jaclcfrost: chiptunehero: jaclcfrost: no one ever talks about peter pan’s brother peter pot peter pot the only boy who was higher than peter pan and this is probably why no one talks about him peter pot is so high, he neverlands.
when u accidentally hurt ur friends feelings and they insist that its fine but u know it isnt
camouflagedpeeta: jubetheboob: camouflagedpeeta: in 100 years.. will it really matter that i didnt do my homework in a hundred years it wont even matter that you were alive. none of us will matter will will be memories, then the people whose memories we are in will die too and will will fade into pure nothingness. so i guess i wont do my homework
egberts: teachers who call on students who obviously don’t know the answer are the biggest dicks in the world because they’re flat out humiliating the kid in front of all their peers
Argument I heard on the bus
Guy 1: no, niggah, gay bros can raise babies. Look at that warthog motherfucker and that ferret thing that raised Simba. And that niggah became king of motherfucking Africa.
heyfunniest: ju5t4n3rd: thepioden: hair-old-styles: harrystyies: What if oxygen is poisonous and it just takes 75-100 years to kill us? My science teacher said he thinks that’s true actually Yeah this is actually pretty much exactly what is going on. It’s why anti-oxidants are such a big deal. Bonus fact: oxygen oxidizes stuff in your cells or, in other words, it’s not toxic, just...
textpostsrus: jehovas-witness: internetexplorers: cheese3d: nothings worse than soft grapes soft apples soft dicks soft grunge
nbcemployee: the uglier the snapchat, the closer the friendship